Calladita No More: Empowering Latinas to Speak Up and Take Charge with Pam Covarrubias
From Shame to Power in Overcoming Calladita Culture(tm)
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Catch up on Part 1 of this conversation here. If you’d like to read the transcript instead, head over to the show notes for Episode 2: The Dangers of Calladita Se Ve Más Bonita with Pam Covarrubias.
What Pam Covarrubias, resonance business coach, has trademarked as “Calladita Culture” is what I refer to as the toxicity and bullshit in our culture: the silencing of questions and ignoring real issues because we’re afraid of embarrassing ourselves—or worse— la familia, the family. So instead, we become complicit in perpetuating harmful patriarchal norms that rob women and femmes of color of their voice and their power.
Here’s how we’re fighting back: calladita no more!
Paulette: The older I've gotten, the more I see how my own journey has been shaped by these products of our culture. There's great things to being Latino, Latinas, Latines, [but] there are not so great things about our culture. And I think this is true [for] a lot of people of color, that there are certain things we don't talk about that gets pushed under the rug.
Tell me how you devised Calladita Culture.
Pam: Yeah, calladita culture is a thing. I've talked about this on my show before where it was a dichotomy of on one end, a very Catholic grandmother, and I grew up with my dad.
My mom, because I'm a rebel, couldn't deal with me, and so she sent me to my dad. So I ended up with my grandma and my dad who is the brujo of the familia (translation: akin to a warlock of the family) He's the one that people are like, “este loco (translation: this crazy guy) what's going on?” Like actual comments! Because he's a Reiki master. I learned about Reiki before it was mainstream, you know? I was 11 years old and my dad was doing Reiki on me.
And then on the other hand, this very Catholic grandmother. I believe calladita culture is deeply rooted in the colonization of our faith and religion. Because "calladita te ves mas bonita" (translation: shut up and be pretty) is something that we hear all the time. And with my grandma, she often invited me to stop questioning things.
Thinking about how I grew up and talking to a lot of my clients is how I developed the seven principles of calladita culture. The first one is: be a secret. Just keep everything under the rug. No pongas tus trapitos al sol.
Paulette: Don't air your dirty laundry.
Pam: Yes. And I've always questioned everything!
I remember having conversations like, “why La Virgen (translation: the Virgin Mary)?” La Virgen de Guadalupe por ejemplo (translation: Our Lady of Guadalupe, for example) is actually the Cōātlīcue.* Learning the history of the Virgen de Guadalupe, I was like, “well, why can't I have the Cōātlīcue, which I have right here (pointing behind her desk—again, we’re on video). And that's the Virgen de Guadalupe, you know?” So she would be like, “Nope, we don't question it because it's what God wants” and blah, blah, blah.
And so I've always had this questioning of why are you trying to quiet me?
And frankly, because of trauma, because of lots of things, I did get quiet. I did get quiet in corporate. I did get quiet with my family. I did get quiet even after podcasting.
One of the ways that I use my voice is through podcasting, but even after, I found myself hiding. So calladita culture is something that I feel first generation women and femmes in the US will always have to kind of work through because it's so ingrained in her whole body.
It's visceral.
Calladita Culture…reduces productivity because you stay quiet, you stay submissive.
Paulette: Is that a program that you still have active?
Pam: I'm developing a course right now and I teach it inside Power Sisters, which is my group coaching program. And Power Sisters is the accountability program I wish existed when I was in college. Because one of the things when it comes to productivity is that accountability is so important. 95% of chances of accomplishing things comes from having an accountability person. When I learned that, I was like, oh my gosh, makes sense!
And so inside Power Sisters, that's where I talk about calladita culture. It also reduces productivity because you stay quiet, you stay submissive. We put other people first. We only take responsibility for what we are "supposed" to do.
Paulette: Do you have plans for a separate course?
Pam: Maybe. I teach calladita culture in corporations. I've gotten to share calladita culture, the principles, to ERGs. Very specific like Latino ERGs, and to full companies, the whole company. And any time I share the principles to the whole company, of course to the Latinos, everyone's like, “yeah, been there.”
But any other culture, they still resonate. It's a thing! That's why I say that first generation women and femmes deal with this because the shame that has been added onto just being a woman in the world, is part of calladita culture.
Eres el ejemplo. (You’re the example)
Confidence: Pam exudes it and who wouldn't want to know her secret? Turns out she’s human just like all of us, but has learned to trust herself. What does that mean?
Paulette: You're a confident woman. Where do you draw your confidence from?
Pam: It's coming from somewhere. I'm the oldest daughter. And as the eldest, the thing that I always heard was "eres el ejemplo" (translation: you’re the example). And so that's always in the back of my head, what kind of example am I sharing?
And even with Cafe con Pam, I'm like, “I'm the tía of everyone.” Because I'm the eldest and I've always had that pressure of being the example. And so maybe my confidence comes from that responsibility that's been on my back forever to be the best example.
And the understanding that every tiny thing I do is being witnessed and being graded in a way. I have the voice of my grandma behind me…and so it could be a toxic thing on one end.
And on the other end, I think it's been fully exploring who I am and really standing in my voice and my power to really embrace the uniqueness of who is Pam. Because I looked for models all the time. That's why Cafe con Pam existed.
And when I didn't find them, I'm like, “well, I guess I'm my own damn model.” And I wouldn't want a model that's not confident. So I just have to make sure I trust myself and I honor who I am and I pull from my lived experience and my wisdom to just live.
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*Cōātlīcue is also known as Tonāntzin, "our mother." Read here for more about the connection between the indigenous goddess and the Catholic apparition.