5 Simple Tips for Breaking Free from Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a toxic trait
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Did you know that there’s a difference between being “perfect” and being “happy?” Are you aware that you can be good at something and not aim to be perfect every time?
If this feels like blasphemy, it’s maybe because deep down inside you’re struggling with perfectionism yourself. This idea was normalized by the people around you all shooting for perfection and nothing less.
And that’s a toxic trait! So let’s break free of this struggle for perfection which, like self-sabotage or its other name procrastination, isn’t good for you either.
The following is an expansion on last week’s episode of La Vida Más Chévere. If you’d like to read the transcript instead, head over to the show notes for Episode 3: Perfectionism and Childfree Latinas: The Ivy League School Dropout. Or listen here:
In the last post, we celebrated the tiny little fact that as childfree Latinas y Latines, we’ve already broken our long-held familial traditions once. The first time is always the hardest, so check us out blowing past that milestone!!
YAY US!
Now that we’re feeling really good about ourselves and our ability to set boundaries that put us first, why not try our hand at breaking another long-standing cultural tradition?
Let’s release ourselves from the shackles of perfectionism! Here are 5 ways to let go of perfectionism:
1. Challenge unrealistic expectations
We Latinas can start breaking free of our propensity for perfection by identifying and challenging the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves.
This might be hard because all of your expectations might feel completely normal and attainable. But maybe that’s just a story you’re holding onto that makes you feel a certain way. And maybe what it’s making you feel is that you can handle anything.
And maybe that’s true. But ask yourself: should you have to?
Should you put that kind of pressure and burden on yourself, to take care of everything? Is that really your responsibility alone?
Have a serious think on why the answer to that question has to be yes. Just because something has always been true up until now doesn’t mean it has to continue to be true forever.
There was a time when you believed in Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy. But now you don’t.
And your world did not end when you changed your beliefs then either.
But just like when you learned the truth about these childhood stories, you can learn to create more flexible and realistic standards so that you can reduce your own stress and anxiety.
Unlearning perfectionism and creating the habit of sticking to more practical goals will take time.
Perfectionism is deeply ingrained in Latinidad. It’s fiercely entangled in our ancestral wounds. So give yourself space to learn to do this, and be gentle with yourself.
2. Celebrate progress, not perfection
If celebrating progress (aka tiny wins) sounds familiar, it’s because there’s an entire episode about it.
The reason to focus on progress is because this is how we gain experience. And proficiency. And competence.
And through experience, proficiency, and competence comes (drum roll): confidence!
We mistake perfection for confidence, when in reality it’s the perverse desire to be perfect that robs us of faith in ourselves.
Instead, shift the emphasis from perfectionism to progress by recognizing and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small they may be.
You might be used to dismissing tiny increments of progress because they don’t feel like “big wins.” ¿Y que?
Imagine you want to learn to play an instrument, como la guitarra, like the guitar. But you’re not going to celebrate your ability to play it until you sell out Carnegie Hall.
Sounds ridiculous, no?
Achieving the caliber to play a show at a venue like Carnegie Hall is not impossible, but it can take years if not decades. How would you stay motivated to continue to practice this brand new instrument in order to become good enough to play on that stage?
You could probably shave years off the timeline if, instead of waiting till you got to Carnegie Hall, you celebrated each time you learned a new song, or even a new chord.
Tiny steps that when you add them all up, become a huge arc of success.
The vast oceans of the world are made up of tiny little drops of water.
Focusing on progress over perfection will help you maintain your motivation. Each step towards progress feeds your confidence.
Confidence and motivation then lead to discipline. So that when you start slipping on one or the other, you’ll still have the discipline to continue on your goals, even si no tienes ganas.
3. Practice self-compassion
Failure is a natural part of life. Y nosotras Latinas can practice self-compassion by treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we’d give a una amiga, to a friend.
You will make mistakes. You will fail. In fact, you already have—muchisimas veces, lots of times—but you probably didn’t recognize it.
Or you don’t remember.
You failed at learning to walk a LOT. You fell down a lot before you figured it out. Everyone did.
And today you probably take walking for granted. But running, skipping, even dancing is all based on your ability to walk.
When you were learning to walk, you weren’t berated for not doing it properly right away. You were encouraged to try again and again until you could do it on your own.
So tap back into that encouragement and turn it on yourself. Learn to accept your mistakes and imperfections as a valuable part of your life.
4. Seek support
You don’t have to do it all on your own. Finding a professional who can help you unlearn this harmful behavior is a really good idea!
Destigmatizing mental health is a whole ball of wax, but there are qualified therapists out there who specialize in overcoming perfectionist tendencies.
Through the right counseling, we can develop effective coping skills and strategies to overcome perfectionism and procrastination.
So how do you find the “right” therapist?
Here’s where seeking out someone who is culturally aware and sensitive to the unique challenges that we Latinas face would be helpful. Because Latinidad is a trip!
But it’s our cultural heritage and seeking out the people who look like us, who know what being “us” means, and how to navigate through ALL OF THAT, can be really beneficial.
That doesn’t mean that a non-Latine practitioner can’t be helpful, but the odds are in your favor if you can find one.
And if seeking help with your mental health sounds like an alien concept, it’s understandable that it might be a hurdle.
But it’s one worth overcoming.
5. Prioritize self-care
If you’re new to La Vida Más Chévere, you might have missed the entire episode on self-care. ¡No problemo! Give it a listen at that link.
So how do you make self-care a priority? In the episode, the suggestion was to make it so easy it’s a habit. Hence the name “self-care you can do in your pajamas.” You know, like brushing your teeth!
Dental care should be a priority too! 🪥🪥🪥
What are some other ways to engage in self-care?
Exercise
Taking dance breaks
Meditation
A warm cup of tea
Spending time with loved ones
Spending time con la familia can be a big help, especially if they freely show their love. Y familismo, familialism, is a big thing in our culture.
But what if it’s the loved ones that are causing you the anxiety and the stress? Maybe a different support network?
There are the loved ones that we are born with, born into, and then there are the loved ones that we create.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be with a romantic partner, it’s also the friends that you choose to have in your life.
At the end of the day, all of this is about choice, about what you choose for yourself.
Do you want to be a perfectionist and eventually burn out from the unrealistic pressure you’ll put on yourself?
Or do you want to be happy?
The choice is yours.
Hasta la próximo vez, ¡cuídate bien!
To read the rest of this series on perfectionism, check out these posts:
Can’t wait till next time? Listen to the La Vida Más Chévere episode 3, Perfectionism and Childfree Latinas: The Ivy League School Dropout on Apple:
Or Spotify: