Perfectionism is a Toxic Trait for Latinidad
We have a cultural addiction to perfectionism
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The following is an expansion on this week’s episode of La Vida Más Chévere. If you’d like to read the transcript instead, head over to the show notes for Episode 3: Perfectionism and Childfree Latinas: The Ivy League School Dropout.
A warning to our Latin American parents: raising us to strive for perfection is killing us. Latinidad—Latine culture—has an unhealthy addiction to perfection.
And it’s breaking generations of people and creating terrible mental health problems.
What is perfectionism?
When I looked up the definition of perfectionism, I decided to Google it in Spanish. The answer was a bit more nuanced than the English one, which I’ll translate to for you here:
Perfeccionismo: actitud de la persona que tiende a buscar la perfección en lo que hace, mejorándolo indefinidamente sin decidirse a considerarlo nunca acabado.
It’s described as an attitude or goal of seeking perfection in what they do, constantly improving without considering it completely finished.
Constant iteration.
Never satisfied.
Never moving onto the next project.
Stuck in a loop.
On the other hand, the top English result for “define perfectionism” was:
Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.
Which is a fine summation of the Spanish definition, but again, lacks a certain nuance. A bit of je ne sais quoi, to borrow from a different Romance language.
And the Spanish definition is what we’re operating with today.
Because when it’s applied to how Latinas y Latines are growing up and focused on the world around them, the results are scary but avoidable.
Perfeccionismo, perfectionism, is a toxic trait.
Why is perfectionism toxic?
The overarching goal of La Vida Más Chévere is to help the childfree listener (and you, the reader) find la confianza—their confidence—to overcome some of the bullshit and toxicity in our culture.
And today the bullshit and toxicity that we are looking at is called perfectionism.
So why is it toxic?
First let’s back up. Because perfectionism is actually a subset of a different problem: procrastination.
My friend Tricia was the first person I ever heard say this.
Perfectionism is just procrastination in fancy shoes. - Tricia C.
And procrastination is a self-defense mechanism.
It’s an emotional response. A way to protect ourselves. But procrastination keeps us stuck.
So why would we respond to something emotionally to remain in the same place instead of moving forward?
For the longer answer, I would point you to episode 12 of The Maker Muse Podcast: Progress, Gains, & Your Comfort Zone: Life Lessons from Weightlifting. But you probably want the short answer:
It’s about our comfort zones.
We’re afraid to leave our comfort zones. That’s what’s usually behind this behavior: fear. We’re scared the task at hand is going to unravel or harm us in some way.
And striving for perfectionism, ensuring that we never actually meet the goal because every last detail isn’t 100% perfect, means we never actually have to finish something.
It’s an all-or-nothing mentality. And that’s harmful, especially if you ever want to be happy.
My previous guest Pam Covarrubias mentioned a few toxic traits she thinks she might have in our conversation. Dealing with procrastination was the catalyst for starting her group coaching program PowerSisters.
How is this showing up for other Latines?
In her article, Latinas Have Been Raised To Be Perfect – How To Break The Paradigm, executive coach Patricia Arboleda explains that we don’t consider perfectionism toxic.
In reality, we treat it like a badge of honor:
In many Latino families, perfectionism is seen as a virtue. Due to the story of their countries, they have a chip very encrusted in their minds that tells them they need to work harder than anyone to achieve something. While this drive to succeed can be seen as a positive trait, it can also lead to unhealthy behavior.
Growing up, Latinas often learn to strive for excellence and never settle for less than their best. They do not only have to be the best students, be polite and behave, but they also need to sit like señoritas, dress well for every occasion. Be good daughters, good sisters, good mothers, please everyone, and not raise their voices.
That last part especially is disturbingly visceral. Remember Pam’s take on what she calls calladita culture?
Here’s more:
This persistent thinking is a limitation for Latinas as they try to advance their careers and achieve their goals. They often avoid taking risks for fear of failure, feel that their mistakes are more noticeable because of their background, and believe it prevents them from taking leadership roles in their teams or proving their worth in the workplace.
So by continuing to perpetuate the idea of perfection as a virtue, our families are in fact shackling our growth and inhibiting our potential—their exact opposite intent.
How childfree Latinas are fighting against perfectionism
The good news is that as a childfree Latina or Latine, you've already proven that you’re not only capable, but damn good at breaking free from cultural expectations!
Choosing not to have kids, not to succumb to one of the most foundational social norms, demonstrates your ability to rise above this most basic programming.
That’s no small feat. These traditions are embedded in our DNA, in our ancestral lineage. And you said “no thanks” to that!
Celebrate yourself, mija, even if no one else does. Because your willingness to create that boundary, to have the self-awareness to say no to this cultural demand of women, to put yourself and your desires above that of your family’s, is no small thing.
There is phenomenal power in that.
So if no one has said this to you before now, let me say it to you: I am proud of you. That takes strength. And this is you demonstrating your power, your strength.
Congratulations!!
Stay tuned for next time when you can steal my 5 point plan for further combating perfectionist tendencies.
Because you don’t have to be perfect to be happy. I promise you.
Hasta la próximo vez, ¡cuídate bien!
To read the rest of this series on perfectionism, check out these posts:
Can’t wait till next time? Listen to the La Vida Más Chévere episode 3, Perfectionism and Childfree Latinas: The Ivy League School Dropout on Apple:
Or Spotify: